Sketches of Longmont

The first time that I contemplated an artistic series of any kind was in New Orleans while my Dad was sick. I love Miles Davis and I was mesmerized by his Album " Sketches of Spain".

I just thought that it was amazing that an artist of any kind could focus on a place with his art and translate it the way that Miles did.

At the time I was self absorbed with the crisis at hand. I would sit in the waiting room at the hospital and think about my Photography and how I could use it. while listening to "Sketches of Spain" I decided to borrow part of Miles' title and create Sketch's of New Orleans.

Fast Forward to late 2005 just a few months after Hurricane Katrina and I was really trying to connect with Longmont Colorado. Longmont not only took us in , after the storm, but supported us while we were struggling with so much. I decided that I would try to do a new series called

"Sketches of Longmont"

Before you fully grasp the title............let me explain.

After 3 years of reflection and several hours of sitting in my Gallery experiencing "Sketches of New Orleans" I realized that I could convey my feelings toward our new home in teh same way that I did about New Orleans. It wouldn't be a mere copy of "S.O.N.O. " because my experience in Longmont , and how I got here, is alot different.

So here are a few of the New Series which is still in Progress.

Enjoy

Tim

My Kindal...11 years later

Saturday on January 5th my oldest daughter Kindal turned 11. It's funny how you become your parents when you get older. I remember my parents telling me " Your Growing like a Weed" and "We better stop feeding you because your getting so big". I even remember my Mom telling me , as she looked up, " You may have to look down at me to hear me but you better always look up to me, I brought you into this world and I'll take you out. " She always had a big goofy smile on her face when she told me that. But they always eluded to how big I was getting and how fast it was happening. I always thought it was just cliche when they said those things. I never really had any experience to put with the words, so I never really thought much about them. Until Lately.
Kindal turned 11 Saturday and I swear to you, I can remember the smell of the room and every sound that was there.......the day she was born 11 years ago. I can't tell you what I watched on TV last night, but I can tell you ever name my wife called me while she was in labor and every time she squeezed my arm when Kindal was on her way. I remember how scared I was and couldn't show it because I needed to be strong for my new family. I remember that we felt like we'd been by ourselves in Alabama for such a long time when in fact it hadn't been very long at all. I remember just how I felt when I saw Kindal's head crown and saw that squishy little face as she took her first breath. I remember feeling the fricton on the blade of the scissors as I cut her cord. I remember how cold it was that night in Birmingham on January 5th. I remmber all of that..........11 years ago . That was just Kindal. Ben came 3 years later in that same hospital, just before we moved back to New Orleans.....and then 5 years after that Kiley was born in New Orleans....... and then Christian was born just a little over 2 months ago. So much has happened that seems like a long time ago.........................but my Kids are bending the Time Space continuem ( I learned that watching Hero's ) and growing faster than everything around them.
I am now in my 40's and have 4 kids. My thoughts have changed a little but not alot from the time I wrote letters to Kindal and told her about my thoughts on life.
Be an explorer in life. People all around you will tell you why you can't do something.......................................... Do it anyway !!!!!!!!!!!!! As long as your not hurting anyone else or infringing on their rights, you have an obligation to explore. We only live one time , as far as we can be sure, so don't waste it.
Be kind and respectful to everyone that does the same for you. That goes for people that you don't know. Always give everyone a chance to be your friend and to experience your life, but be cautious and don't waste time on people that decide to disrespect you and try to take advantage of you. Again , life is to short and there are alot of people in this world worthy of your friendship.
Always take up for the underdog. Some people in this life have it alot harder than you do and need your hand. Homeless shelters are full of them. Just because everyone else decides to piss on someone, doesn't mean they deserve to be pissed on. Some of the nicest and best people I've ever met in this world were down on their luck. I've had jobs in the most dangerous and poorest areas of New Orleans and it was worth it to go into those areas because I met some of the best people there. Don't limit yourself. take up for those that need you, and don't ever judge people by what they look like, or what others think of them.
Don't let this world walk all over you. It will surely try. Your Grandparents Ellis lived ever day and made everone around them better. Try to do the same thing.

Just remember one thing:

I'll love you forever.....no matter what you decide to do.

Drink

I could frolic all day on the banks
That gently hold back the river flowing to
Your soul……thinking only of you.

I drink from the water and it excites my
Own soul as you and I become one.

French Quarter Gallery in Longmont Colorado

Our Gallery opened this year to rave reviews from all. It's one thing to have a successfully Gallery but when the work that hangs on the wall is your own it makes it that much nicer. We opened with several giclees from my series "Sketches of New Orleans". We also showed images from the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina. It was important for me to include both together because I wanted to show the ups and downs of my torrid relationship with New Orleans. On one wall you see the "Wrought Iron Blues" with all of its rich blue moonlight and silhouettes of the wrought iron railings. You wonder what may have happened over the years on that same balcony. Just across the room you see images from the Lower 9th Ward just after the storm. A house sits on top of an overturned pickup truck in the middle of what was once a lively old neighborhood full of history. I love that city and if this showing does nothing else I hope that it does justice to the city and to the people. Although I haven't been able to return, I am a New Orleanean at heart. That city gets inside of you like a virus and it spreads throughout your being. Just because we don't live there anymore doesn't mean that I can't fight the good fight and spread a little New Orleans culture.

While I sit in the coffee shop next to my gallery. I look out the window and watch the blizzard that started this morning and is expected to drop 12 inches of snow on us by tomorrow. I can't help but feel luck and blessed that I grew up in the Crescent City and that she found it in her heart to inject herself into my soul.

Tim :)

A beautiful Day

I miss New Orleans and everything about it.
I miss the people I left and the life.
But how can I be unhappy on a day like today.

tim

In the Event of my demise

When my heart can beat no more
I hope I die for a principle or a belief that
I have lived for
I will die before my time because I already feel
the shadow's depth
So much I wantd to accomplish before
I reached my death
I have come to grips with the possibility and
wiped the last tear from my eyes
I loved all who were positive in the event of
my demise.

Tupac Shakur

Still got that Magic

I sit here in PJ's coffee shop in New Orleans. There's a warm rain falling and it's about 80 degrees outside. As the rain falls and composes it's own hip jazz tune on sidewalk outside I kind of get into the groove and forget everything. I forget about the previous 3 years. I forget about the time that we spent caring for my sick parents. I forget about the storm. I forget about my lifeline, Kristin , 1400 miles away. I forget about my passions Kindal, Ben and Kiley keeping Kristin company while I make the final preparations to sell my house here in the crescent city.

I forget all of the important things for a few seconds and then I snap back into reality. That moment defines New Orleans for me. It's an escape. Everyone that makes groceries in New Orleans knows how to escape, even for a few seconds. That's why out of towners love us. They don't know how to do that. They don't know how to find a few minutes in the raindrops hitting the hot concrete. They don't know how to get caught up in the fantasies of a swingin' jazz tune.
They don't know how to get caught in a daydream when a waitress innocently call's you darlin'.

The funny thing is that when I snap back into reality I realize that I've just sold my house. I sold the last real tie that I have to New Orleans. But then I realize that's not true. The ties are still there. Living in New Orleans and then leaving is kind of like dying and then coming back to life.
You get a glimpse of the other side and then come back to reality to live your life. I died and went to heaven in the crescent City. I glimpsed the Garden of Eden and learned how to daydream and to find the magic in the raindrops. When I leave and go to Colorado I will have something that almost all people that don't live in New Orleans are looking for.

I still have a little bit of that Magic !!!!!!

The Spirit of Mardi Gras

I can't speak for others, but as for myself, the spirit of Mardi Gras lives within.
I have to think that it's that way for most New Orleaneans. For the time being, I've relocated my family to Colorado, I've spent alot of time back in New Orleans and feel as close as I ever have to the things that make it so seductive. Mardi Gras embodies all that is New Orleans.

People from all over seem to think that Mardi Gras is a bunch of college kids getting naked and having sex in the middle of Bourbon Street. While that happens, and is as much a part of New Orleans as anything else, it's only a small part of the magic. On the surface Mardi Gras is Parading, Bands Marching, second lining, music, food, costumes, alcholhol, sex, exhibitionism, nudity and 1000 other things that I don't have time to type. But under the surface Its everything that is New Orleans. Everything that we do in our everyday lives ends up a part of Mardi Gras. And for those that want to say that Mardi Gras is a Godless party where there are no morals or limits, it is a religious celebration .You can find anything from G to XXX depending on how you want to celebrate but underneath everything Mardi Gras is simply unexplainable because it embodies different things to different people.

New Orleans historically is one of the most religious cities in the country. There are 142 Catholic Churches in the Orleans Plaquemine and St.Bernard Parishes alone. Thats about 1 Catholic church for every 3000 people and that doesn't include the Baptists, Methodists, Episcopals, Church of God, Presbyterians, Greek Orthodox, Lutherans, Jehovah Witness's and a whole slew of other religions. Catholicism is by far the biggest church in New Orleans and obviously has the largest influence. I think that you would be hard pressed to say that New Orleans is Godless. In fact I would think that if Jesus comes back it will probably be in New Orleans for reasons that I will gladly discuss one on one with anyone who cares to listen. Mardi Gras is based on religion. Mardi Gras means Fat Tuesday and is the 2 week period prior to the Catholic lentin season. It concludes on Fat Tuesday the day before Ash Wednesday and is basically a celebration that preceeds the fasting before Easter. It's sometimes called Carnival which means Separated from the Flesh......Catholics give up meat during lent. The two week period has become infamous for the non-stop party and like most things in New Orleans we do it to the extreme.

With that being said it's evolved past just being a religious holiday and I think that's where the magic begins. The Black population that come over from the Carribean and Africa during slavery brought with it alot of tradition which found it's way into Mardi Gras. They brought thier religions of Voodoo, Hoodoo and Santaria music, food and art . The Europeans contributed heavily with thier own religions, food , music and art. The Mardi Gras traditions are a melting pot of every culture that found it's way into this port city that have evolved into something that is completely unique from anything else in this world.

Theres the seduction. New Orleans grabs you like a curiosity tent at a carnival and sucks you in. I think that you become a part of New Orleans and not the other way around. She lets you become a part of her and then like an addict you are hooked. You can look through history and find a list of people that made New Orleans home and add to the mystery and magic. Start with Jean Lafitte the "Prince of New Orleans" and include Tennessee Williams, Mark Twain, Truman Capote, William Faulkner, Anne Rice, Buddy Bolden, Louis Armstrong, Mahalia Jackson, Wynton Marsalis, Harry Connick Jr. Fats Domino, Jerry Lee Lewis, Jelly Roll Morton. Theres a mojo working that gets to you and you are forever doomed to be a New Orleanean and contribute in some way to that magic.


I've been gone but everytime I hear Dr John or the Neville Brothers I'm quickly transported back south. I've experienced all of Mardi Gras over the years. I've been from one extreme: So drunk I couldn't remember the day, I've been in fights , watched the Gay parade, enjoyed the transvestites put on a show, I've seen naked people and have to say that I've probably been naked myself on more than one occasion. But I've also enjoyed being completely sober on Mardi Gras day , enjoyed being around families and sharing stories, food and drink with friends and family. I've seen the XXX side and I've absolutely enjoyed the family side of Mardi Gras.....and the two don't have to mix.

Like everyone else I've said that I would go to Mardi Gras and found myself there the next day and glad I went. Until you've stood on the curb with you child on your shoulders and danced to the loud bass drums of Saint Augustin High School marching band or yelled Throw me something mister to a stranger on a float and yelled Hey Dave, or Jim, or Sam or John....hoping you get lucky and get the name of someone on the float who will think you know them and throw you something. Unless you've smelled the horses as they pass, or the exhaust from the Farhad Grotto Dune Buggies or Motorcycles, Or see the bright colored parade lights in a completely dark night on top of an NOPD or JPSO police car as it moves slowly through the crowd. If you haven't been told to step back by a large guy with fingerless gloves and a stick in his hand as he walks beside one of the many young female dancing groups dancing to VERY LOUD dance music. Unless you've seen the Sheriff Harry Lee on his float in Metairie or seen King Rex, King Zulu, King Bacchas, or King Endymion. If you haven't been a part of a second line or thrown money to the Flambou carriers in New Orleans. If you haven't waited just to watch the street sweepers that come behind the parade with the yellow lights on top . If you haven't had a chance to see any one of the Big Chiefs of the Mardi Gras Indians.......................... If you don't know what Crawfish boiled in the back of a Pickup on the parade route smells like, or if you don't know what the significance of a Bucket of Chicken on Mardi Gras is. If you havent had to camp out in the Neutral ground the day before Mardi Gras to get a good spot for the next day. If you haven't done several or all of any of that......you haven't begun to experienced Mardi Gras.

But that's still not all of Mardi Gras....Mardi Gras i all of that and so much more.........

I'll tell you more later but suffice it to say.......On every end of the spectrum Mardi Gras can be just like Christmas Morning.

Happy Lundi Gras

If anyone not from New Orleans would like to get a little taste of the New Orleans magic, they should definately go to the Mardi Gras. Forget Mardi Gras in Mobile or Washington or any other city that claims to hold Mardi Gras sacred. Mardi Gras is not just a parade , dressing up, eating king cake, listeneing to New Orleans music or knowing how to get a good pair of beads on Bourbon street or any other street for that matter. It's a spiritual thing. Not just religious but spiritual.

Mardi Gras is magic. Not figuratively but really magic. How else can you explain the transformations that happen to just about everyone in New Orleans when Mardi Gras time grows near. I've seen every type of person swear that they weren't doing Mardi Gras this year and then get up at 5am on Fat Tuesday and out to get a spot. I've seen young, old, black, white, rich, poor, religious and not so religios come together for the "party". Something about that day brings out the Coon-ass in all of us. You don't have to be born in the city to be effected by it.

When you stand in the street and smell New Orleans in the night air while dancing to the big bass drum from the Saint Aug purple knights. While you eat a moon pie , drink a beer and watch Bacchas or Endymion roll by. You look up in the hazy night and see the beads hanging from the Oak trees or look back at the balcony and see the Mardi Gras party going on. You go to your
"Mom an them's" and eat Popeyes chicken waiting on the next parade. The beads are so thick around your neck that you have a hard time putting your little boy or little girl on your shoulders to see the Parade. Even while you watch the young and old out of towners talk people out of their clothes for beads or even pass out yourself on the blanket in the middle of the neutral ground while everyone steps over you for the beads and cups being thrown from floats. You are feeling some of Mardi Gras. During Mardi gras the inhabitions take over at some level and start to feel like a New Orleanean. It's a kind of initiation into a not so secret club that you can never leave. Once you feel it you are addicted. Your experience can be as extreme as you want it to be or as docile as you like. But you will have an experience.
Straight people come from miles around to watch the gay parades and costumes. Gay people show up in Metairie to have the family experience. Black people dance with White people and White people show up on Claiborne ave to see the Mardi Gras Indians in all of their grandeur.
Kids fight with old people for throws and Old people enjoy being young again for a day.

I still haven't completely explained the magic but I did touch on it.

Happy Lundi Gras

I'm sitting in a coffee shop in Longmont Colorado
wonderin' what to do.
I've been home to New Orleans and my house is
empty without the kids and you.
The life we loved and the life we knew
washed away in the august storm,
I don't know if we can ever go back to the
place that our love was born.

Call me an Expatriot

I was reading a book today about New Orleans and it said that
There is always something going on in New Orleans. That is what I miss the most.
I've said that home is where my wife and kids are and that is mostly true but I cannot
help but hope that place is in New Orleans. I've spent a few months in beautiful Colorado and there is nothing wrong here......but then again everything that is wrong with new Orleans ( excluding the crime ) is what makes it special. There is something always going on in New Orleans. It is more important now.....now more than ever that something is always going on. Mardi Gras, Jazz fest, French Quarter fest, St Joseph's day, Saint's games, Hornet's games, WWOZ broadcasts, WWL broadcasts, Music in the 24 hour dives, Artists,in Jackson Square, Tarot Card and Palm readers in Jackson Square, Everything on Bourbon Street, Galleries on Royal Street, White lenin night, Awesome food in all of the restaraunts, The Rich snobs and the poor street urchins. Everything and more........ At the moment I consider myself and expatriot. My heart and soul is in New Orleans. They were there while I lived there and they are there now. But my heart and soul live for my wife and kids. I will do what is best for them. Even if it means remaining an expatriot. I will do everthing I can to help the people and the city. I will do everthing that I can to make sure that my Mom and Dad who are buried in New Orleans do not rest there without us. I will make sure that New Orleans and the Ellis family remain intertwined. I will remain a New Orleanean in my heart.

The top of the trees

I've been in New Orleans for what seems like forever.
Every day that passes it seems less and less like home.
I love it here but I love it more when I can share it with my wife and kids.
My Dad use to tell me that Home is where you hang your hat. He always said that he could live anywhere.

The longer you are away from your family the more you start to realize that they can live without you. They call a little less each day and your conversations get shorter. You get alot more paranoid and in some ways a lot smarter. Where there's smoke there's fire . At least that's what you believe. Everyone seems to think that you are lounging around and taking it easy.
In reality this is the hardest thing that I 've ever done.
In some ways I think I didn't lose much in the Hurricane, but then I realize that no matter what my house looks like, I lost everything. I lost my life, my job, my house, my friends, my way of life. My family can no longer function like a family because we don't live alone and haven't for 5 months.

We are what we are. I don't feel sorry for myself but I cannot sweep the facts under the rug. Will my family survive this disaster. In some ways I think we've already succombed to Katrina.
In other ways we were successful in overcoming.

Wait for the sequel to see what happens

Dad's Birthday

It's only fitting that Dad's 77th birthday would fall on Superbowl Sunday.
I happened to be in New Orleans and spent some time at the cemetary talking to Dad and Mom. It doesn't seem possible that he has been gone for 4 years.

What do I remember about Dad.

I can remember that he would wake up very early in the morning. Sometimes 3am and would walk down the stairs. He would be in his polyester dress slacks and tank top undershirt. He would sit in the kitchen on a stool and he would smoke a cigarette. He was rarely without his cigarette and a cup of coffee, with cream and sugar. He would sit there and think. He would come up with business ideas or simply read the paper. He was always thinking about how to make money. He would stay there until someone woke up and kept him company.

Dad loved Mom unconditionally. There was never a time that he I ever heard him say anything bad about Mom. He would do some things that would make her so mad that sometimes I thought she could leave him. But even during those times, he loved her beyond comprehension. Dad could never have survived without Mom.

Dad loved us Kids more than anything, except Mom. He would always do anything or give anything to make us happy. He was always there when we needed him. He was an example of a simple human being with his own demons, but he never let us kids know about them.

Dad loved to eat. He loved to have barbques and crawfish boils. He loved to have cookouts. I remember one time when he got an idea from some friends about burying a roast in coals and cooking it. He got up at about 3am and dug a hole in the backyard. He started burning wood in the hole until he got some really hot coles. He had about a 30 pound roast that was trimmed and wrapped in foil. He put the roast in the coals and then filled the hole back up with dirt. About 3 hours later he dug it up and trimmed all of the dirt off of it... It was one of the best pieces of meat we ever had.

He also loved to cook pigs on a spit, cou sean du let. We did that at least 5 times and were never disappointed.

I remember Dad's riding lawn mower. Dad loved to be outside and he would cut the grass about 3 times a week. He would get on his riding lawn mower and he had a cup holder mounted to it. He would put a can of beer in the holder and would cut the grass wearing his pastel blue old man shorts, dark socks and dress shoes with no shirt. He would work outside all day.

Dad was comical in alot of ways but as a Pool player he was dead serious. He had nerves of absolute steel when the cheese was on the line. Dad would play the same for 5000.00 as he would for 5.00. He wasn't the absolute best pool player bt all around he had the respect of anyone in the city who knew anything about playing pool for money. In a legendary place like New Orleans, that's saying something.


I talk to Mom and Dad every day. I wish they were here with me....sometimes it would be nice to have thier support. But I know that if heaven exists. Dad and Mom are there. They are happy because they are together. That's the way it was meant to be.

Broken

Broken

There are days that I feel like I’m broken.
My son’s bike with a flat tire, My daughter's doll
With a broken leg.

I’m broken.

In a storm there’s a light that seems to beckon
Me.
I follow until I get to the site and wonder why I
Went.
Why did it seem such an important task ?
Why did I feel no need to ask
before I left?

I’m broken.

I get to a place and don’t like how I got there
Why did I ever leave ?

I’m broken.

Like my parents hopes,
Like my children’s dreams,
Like my wife’s heart,

I’m broken

I sit in the corner and wonder when
I got so broken.
and then.........it hits me.
Like a chorus of angels singing my life
I am the way I am supposed to be.




broken is how I'm supposed to be.
broken is what I am.

Two weeks before Christmas I left New Orleans and headed home. You heard me, Home. Home is where my Wife and Kids lay their heads at night. Christmas was good and New Year was good. I got the chance to hang some of my work in a local Coffee Shop and was able to have an opening which was unbelievable.
Kindal's birthday was on January 5th and on the following weekend we had a sleepover for her. She is growing so fast. She is 9 and she is already older than I am.
Still having business in New Orleans I left last tuesday for New Orleans. I was going to stop in Fort Scott and then Kansas City to see my Uncle and my Sister but I decided to go to New Orleans first. I stopped in Tyler Texas to see my Uncle Ron and Aunt Twilla.
My Uncle Ron and Aunt Twilla are extrodinary people. They think that they are normal but they aren't. They have managed not let the outside pressures cloud what is important to them. They love each other and their family. I don't know what I would have done without them. On every trip between Colorado and New Orleans they've given my an oasis to stop and visit and recharge. Being able to take a break and visit with them has been priceless. There doesn't seem to be any pressure or Drama when you walk through the doors of their doublewide trailor tucked away in a cozy little neighborhood in Tyler. You walk in and know that you can be at home.
I left Tyler yesterday morning after a great breakfast and headed to New Orleans. I decided to go the backroads instead of interstate and went all the way to Deridder Louisiana where I got on I-10 and came the rest of the way.

It's strange how moods change when you get into Louisiana. The closer I got to my house the more depressed I got. I did everything to lose the depression. As I pulled into my driveway it was lit up by the streetlights that I don't remember being there before. Everything was a yellow color. There are twice as many FEMA trailers as there were before. I feel like I'm on an island because I am the only house that I can see without a Fema trailer. I also don't have running water or gas. I can't get a Fema trailer because Fema pays my families rent in Colorado. If it weren't for the comfortable house in Colorado I would be in a Fema trailer with all of the necessities of life. I'm glad that I don't have it because I find much more comfort in knowing that my wife and kids are safe and have comfort. I will see them soon.
Anyway I got to my house and found that almost every thing is as I left it. The biggest difference is no Water. I was using my neighbors water last trip but it has been turned off as well .....now I have no running water.

I laid in bed last night and stayed depressed. I wish I was with Kristin, Kindal Ben and Kiley....and sophie.....and Richard and Dena.

Oh What a wicked web we weave !!!

just a rant

I haven't felt much like writing these days. I don't know why.
I feel like I still have an open wound and I can't seem to find comfort in the things that used to comfort me. Maybe it's because I am close to my family and I know that I will have to leave them again...soon. I still have matters in New Orleans that I have to finalize. I have what's left of a home that I have to finalize.

I wish that I could enjoy my time in Colorado but the fact is....I'm not done in New Orleans.
I look forward to growing old with my wife, children and maybe some grandchildren............
after I'm done in New Orleans.

The problem is.....I will never be done in New Orleans. I will never have a feeling of completion. My family was taken abnormally from our everyday lives and transplanted 1400 miles away.
I love where we landed and the people we've met...but it wasn't done on our terms. I suppose that I'm being obsessive but I know what my friends are doing in New Orleans and what they are going through on a daily basis. Maybe I feel guilty for leaving. I know I did the right thing but it doesn't make it easier to realize that I could be rebuilding the city that I miss.

I am angry......I am sad.....I am scared........I am regretful......I am remorseful........I am hopeful........ I am guilty......... I am all of these things but most of all I am displaced.

Home for the Holidays ?

Leaving New Orleans for the Christmas Holidays I felt an emptiness. It was the same emptiness I felt when I left my precious family to go to New Orleans just before Thanksgiving. I almost felt like I was abandoning a loved one. New Orleans is in dire need of help. The national media has taken her from the front pages. Most people in other cities have gone on with their lives and think that life in New Orleans has resumed. I can tell you first hand that even though it has gotten better in the surrounding areas, it has not in New Orleans. The politicians want everyone to believe that it is better so that people will return, but their is little or no housing for them to return to. Most of the damaged areas of New Orleans look much the same as it did days after the storm. Even Jefferson Parish , where you see the most activity, is only at about 40%.

At the level of the people their is no lack of heart. We are fighters and want the city to answer the 10 count. People are trying to rebuild but are running into fierce obstacles from local and federal governments. They ask you to rebuild but make it very difficult to get building permits.
They tell you to rebuild but can't tell you if you will need to raise the level of your house in order to do so. They tell you to rebuild but everyone else tells you not to.

My decision will be based soley on the future of my children. Can they come back to good schools ? A lot of Jefferson Parish schools are reopening but many of the teachers are still displaced in cities where they can be paid a much better salary. Will they return ? The level of education before the storm was questionable. If you wanted your kids to have a decent education you had to pay a premium for it. Would we be able to pay the cost of a post Katrina decent education ? It seems that the base for rebuilding the city of New Orleans will be Jefferson Parish. All of those kids will now be in Jefferson Parish schools. How many kids will be in each class. Pre Katrina was approx 30 per class ; Post Katrina ?

There are so many questions and , for now, so few answers. My family was relocated to another area for their safety. I wanted them to retain some resemblance of normal life. Hopefully one day soon we will be able to do that in New Orleans.

The Magic

When I was growing up Christmas at my house was magical. My Mom liked to bake during the holidays and she was good at it. She would start with her own special kind of Fruit cake. It wasn't really Fruit cake but more like a candy, but then again what we call goolash isn't really goolash either.......it's all in the perception. She would then use her Mothers recipe to make a Pecan Log and then that special Divinity. After the candy was done , usually a few days , she would start making the Sugar Cookies......again my Grandma Smiths recipe ( the perfect name to bake things ). She usually made cookies that looked like a Christmas Tree, Santa, Snowman, Angel, a bell and a snowflake. When they were done she would Ice them will all different colors and put them in cans to give away. My Dad had his own little chores while she baked. He chopped the pecans for the pecan log, he chopped the Nilla Wafers and fruit for the fruit cake, he would help roll the pecan log and he would help shell more pecans. He also took it upon himself to test everthing to make sure it was just right. That was all prior to Christmas Eve. On Christmas Eve Mom would start her Christmas dinner. Thomas Turkey, Cornbread dressing, fresh cranberry sauce, Spinich Mandaline, Greenbean Casserole, Candied Yams....( or one of at least a hundred sweet potato recipes that she experimented with), baked rolls, orange jello with cheese and pecans, and let me not forget the PINAPPLE MARSHMALLOW SALAD. She would generally try a few new recipes every year but these were the staples. And then she would start on the pies. She made her own fresh Pumpkin pies. she would use the left over pumpkin to fill about 5 ramkins for us to nibble on that night. She made custard, banana cream pies, pecan pies, and coconut cream pies. On Christmas day after all of the magic in the morning we would eat Monkey bread and then wait for all of the visitors. Our house would generally be full of people all day until dinner time around 5pm and we would all eat buffet style. It was such a happy time. We all thought that it would last forever. The funny thing is that even though the people change over the years the Magic stays. It's all about the giving and the kids. The magic is made by the kids. When I get up in the morning to see the magic in the faces of my kids it brings back the magic for me that was there on every Christmas Morning. Thanks to my parents for teaching me that. I can remember that for my parents it was all about us.
When I had my own children I finally understood.

Santa if your listening from up above....................Thanks for the magic.

1 Dead in the attic

this picture says it all. Money, Publicity & power, petty arguements..... don't mean anything to the person that was in the attic of this house. Life is precious.....and short. Instead of wasting our precious short time on BS we should use it to make the best memories that we can.

Anyone that had the blessing of family and friends after August 29th should count their blessings.

Sketches of New Orleans

These Photographs were taken 2 weeks prior to Katrina

Thanksgiving

This week will be 3 months since this fiasco started. Everything is good. Well almost everything.
I miss my family. I found out that the biggest thing that I lost during the past few months has been precious time with my family. I miss my Beautiful wife and my 3 children. I miss my Dog. I miss my Home. When a disaster like this happens I've learned that you go through stages.

First I was upset about all of the things that we lost in the storm. Things we can't ever get back. All of my childrens Disney Christmas ornaments; My wife's "ring bearers pillow" from our Wedding; Toys in Kindal and Ben's room that they will probably not miss but bring back precious Christmas morning memories for me; My wife's makeup; My Baby Girls blanket ; All of the furniture that my Mom left to me when she passed away a month prior to the storm. I could go on........but why. We will dearly miss all of these precious things.

And Then I got upset about all of the damage done to the City. I walked around in a daze. I can't believe that all of this pain and suffering is happening to our city. These things don't happen in the United States. We only see these things on the news. I walk for days and can't escape the poisonous waterlines on houses ; the blue tarps protecting homes from more damage ; thousands of refrigerators and appliances in front of every house; spray painted inventory lists on most houses ; abandoned flood marked cars everywhere ; the lack of artists and musicians in Jackson Square; Trees still on houses ; Again I could go on and on. You can take every disaster movie you've ever seen and multiply it by 100 times. You can't get over what you see, and you can't really explain it to anyone else. I love this city and my heart will always be here.....even if I can't be.

The third level of mourning came to me during this Thanksgiving. I came to New Orleans on this third trip to try and get work done on my house and to finalize some of the insurance stuff. I found myself here as thanksgiving approached. At the last minute when I realized I wouldn't make it home to Kristin and the Kids I decided to go to Tyler Texas to spend the holiday with my Uncle Ron and Aunt Twilla, My brother and sister Richard and Dena. It was a beautiful day and I was so lucky to have been able to spend it with My Aunt Twilla and Uncle Ron, Richard and Dena ...but as much as I enjoyed the holiday I felt a larger loss than anything else that was taken by the storm. This is the first time in 18 years of being with my wife that we haven't been together for Thanksgiving. This is the first time in 8 years that I've been away from m children during the holiday.This was the first time in 41 years that I haven't spent the holiday with at least one of my parents ( although this wasn't because of the storm ). I lost precious time with my family. I miss them and if I will be bitter about anything, it will be about the time I lost and will never get back. Don't get me wrong. It's been unavoidable. But It will leave a mark that will only serve to remind me of every little thing that was lost in this disaster. Something I can't explain to someone who hasn't been through it. Something that I will try to learn from. I will try to teach my kids from it.................... The most precious thing in life is the Love that you have for your family and the time you can spend with them. It's what memories are made of. The "things" that we lost in the storm are only reminders of those times and memories. I will never lose the memories but I can never get back the time that I lost with the ones that I love.

I remember November 16th 1963

I remember the problems that my Dad had remembering important dates every year. My Mom on the other hand never forgot. My Mom; She could remember every birthday, every anniversary, every important date for just about anyone she met. If on the rare occasion she couldn't remember, she had it written down in her notebook. Mom was so good at important dates that she had a file made up with the cards that she wanted to send people on thier special day. When she passed away we found several cards for the upcoming year already made out and ready to send. I know that she looked down from Heaven on those people when we gave them her cards. She knew when she saw the perfect card for a particular person and she bought it no matter how far off the event was. She would put it in a file dated a few days ahead in order to put it in the mail on time. She really cared about people and liked to make them feel special. My Mom was one of a kind.

Just as important to her was that people remember her special days. Not necessarily with gifts but just recognition. Don't get me wrong she like to be surprised on the morning of her birthday, Christmas, Valentines Day, Easter, her Wedding anniversary. She liked to open something even if it was just a card. But it was the thought that counted to her most.

The times that we forgot my Mom's birthday or anniversary have become comical stories in my family. But they weren't comical when they happened. Most of the time my Dad was the culprit. Just as my Mom was known for remembering, My Dad was legendary for forgetting. I won't get into the stories here because I don't have the space but suffice it to say he needed our help remembering most of the days my Mom found special. My Mom liked the feeling of being remembered and that's why she tried to remember everyone else. She wanted them to share that feeling.

That's why I write this with tears. This week , November 16th specifically, was my Mom and Dad's 42nd wedding anniversary. I am in New Orleans cleaning up after Hurricane Katrina and I forgot until today that thier anniversary was on Wednesday. I know Mom would have forgiven me, but at least she would be here to tell me so. I am generally good about remembering dates but I let this one pass. I love my Mom and Dad and the best way for me to honor them is to not forget thier important dates. I can feel my Mom and Dad looking down on me on every special occasion that Kristin , the Kids and I have. I will not forget hers just because she's not physically here.

I'll do better.

I love you Mom and Dad.

Tim :)

I am Thankful.

I would hope that in this Thanksgiving season we truly understand how lucky we all are. I don't just mean the people that were affected by the hurricane. I would hope that all can learn from what many have experienced. Hurricane Katrina, The Tsunami, World War 2, The holocaust, The Korean war, The Police action in Vietnam, The 2 Iraqi wars, The attack on the World Trade Centers. The genocides in Uganda, Somalia, Congo, Ethiopia, the Sudan, Zimbabwe, Rwanda, Nigeria and Botswana, The war in Afghanistan, homeless Americans throughout our rich country, single mothers, depressed fathers, people that have no families, people who have life altering addictions, people that have cancer. We could fill volumes with ways that things could be so much worse for any one of us.

Take a look around you. If you have family, housing, bread to eat ,and are healthy. Thank whatever higher being that you believe in . If you had been born 100 years ago it would be normal for you not to have a lot of the things that we take for granted. Try living without a car, without air conditioning, without a computer or the internet, no cell phones, a lot less medication. Imagine living with the diseases that plagued us just 100 years ago. 100 years is just a little more than the average expected lifetime of a human being.

Forget all of the petty arguing. Be thankful that on August 29th, the day after hurricane, you weren't sleeping with your kids on I-10 in 98 degree weather and 100% humidity.

We have so much to be thankful for

I love my wife and kids.

Sittin' at the coffee shop on Metairie Road and taking in
some cool jazz horn.
Everything around me is buzzing cause everyones busy
rebuildin' after the storm.
I can smell the city as she gets back to the way she was:
Smooth curves of St Charles, long enticing notes of music coming
out of the Quarter, singing to all of us that missed her while she was gone.

With her Spanish eyes and French accent;
Irish temper and African mytery she sits in the Crescent of the
river and waits for us to be again seduced. The smells of boiled
Crawfish reaches out from every neighborhood to remind us that
she's there....waiting.

It's not New Orleans that left, it was us. She's been there all along
waiting patiently for us to return.

Oh light that has shined
on my life thus far
where do I go from here ?
What should I do at the
bump in the road ?
The end closes in ; I fear.

With each day that passes
the end doth draw near,
but the light sprouts forth
new seeds
that hold new gifts and
even answers to what
your soul doth need.

Oh what a shame it
would be to halt
at the bump that has impeded
your stroll , fore God has planned such
a beautiful path and your stumble is
part of the toll.

What's left ?

I'm a changed man !!!! I've said it before but not in the context that I'm saying it now. I can't tell you why I know it's different this time, but you'll have to take my word for it, it is. Alot has happened in my life since evacuating my family to Colorado. Alot of soul searching has taken place. There are two ways my life can go at this point ; I can return to New Orleans with my family and hope everything returns to the way it was before the storm, or I can consider the slate clean and start completely over. You might say that some things don't have to change, but you would be wrong if I decide to rebuild our lives.

We were your average family before the storm. We did the best we could to live paycheck to paycheck. We went to church on Sunday and work on monday. My kids were happy but I'm not so sure that Kristin and I were. We weren't necessarily unhappy but we were in the proverbial rut ; our wheels were spinning; we were part of the rat race. The last 3 years have been tuff on my family. My Father passed away 2 years ago from cancer and my Mother passed away on June 6th from Breast Cancer. My children weren't over their deaths when the storm hit ,on that day in August , and took everything that we knew as normal. I'm not feeling sorry for myself ! Alot of people have it worse and I know it. But I have to see what has happened as a wake up call to action. I thought it might be a sort of midlife crisis but it's not. The course of events have not been made up ,or phsycologically magnified, because of my 41 years. They are what they are. I am changing everything to make our lives better.

Since my last entry my daughter Kiley turned 1, Ben turned 6, Kristin and I had our 10th wedding anniversary. Halloween ( my favorite holiday ) is fast approaching, Thanksgiving and Christmas are right around the corner. My brother and sister have decided to move to Colorado. and I am in New Orleans , away from by family for almost 20 days, and my house is full of mold.

I returned to New Orleans a little less than 20 days ago to take care of my house and to see what has happened to my city. My beautiful city. This is my second trip back but the first time I was hurried an didn't have a chance to look around and see the damage done to the rest of the city. I had seen pictures and heard the stories but nothing could have prepared me for what I've witnessed and walked through myself. I stood on the levee break in Lakeview and saw the devistation. I walked through that neighborhood and looked at houses washed off of their foundations and sitting in the middle of the street . I saw the cars in the treetops. I walked in the dangerous Lafitte housing project which is now deserted. I walked through the cemetarys and saw the crypts open and empty. I stood in Jackson Square , by myself, no artists and no musicians to be seen. For that matter, no people were there. I talked to the policeman in Jefferson Parish and heard what he witnessed, I thanked him for his sacrifice. I talked the New Orleans Policeman and thanked him for all that he had gone through to keep some sense of order during this destruction. I talked with Jimbo , a bar owner in Treme, and his dog "Underfoot" that he rescued during the storm. I talked with Kenny , a man from Kenner, who was involved in the cleanup in New Orleans. I walked around in the Upper 9th ward and saw the devistation. Trees on Saint Charles Avenue, The Art galleries on Magazine street, The mansions in the Garden district, The massive Oaks in City Park, The 1000 or so dead fish at the Aquarium. Everything has been effected in a massive way.

In every neighborhood there are spray painted symbols on each house. The symbols tell the date that it was inspected and by who, how many and what kind of animals were found in the house and how many dead residents were found. There are empty white refrigerators everywhere. People have started spray painting messages on them. If you want to know who the residents blame for the damage read the refrigerators.

I can't tell you in words , or in pictures , what I've witnessed. I will try to show my children and grandchildren ,through pictures ,but the sounds and the smells will be lost. I can't describe the magnitude of the destruction. I can only imagine that if this were in another era it would resemble the great flood. I can't tell them how I feel because I haven't got a grasp on it myself. How do I tell them about sitting alone in our storage room and throwing away all of our Christmas Ornaments. How do I tell them how I decided that I couldn't save one stick of furnature that we got from my Mom's house after she passed away. How do I tell them that I had to use a mask and gloves while I went through their favorite toys and threw them to the curb. How do I tell them that their Daddy couldn't save their favorite books and games. Their favorite books are full of mold. The books that I read to Kindal and Ben when they were babies are not only unreadable but are literally piles of wet paste.For the past 20 days I sat by myself in the house trying to figure out where everthing went so wrong , but their are no answers.

The only thing that I know is that I'm a changed man.

Who Knows ?

We've all been taught a big lesson. Hurricane Katrina destroyed a major U.S. city. Think about that !!!
I made it back to my house and found that it got about two to three feet of water. It was incredible to drive down the street and see the wrath that Mother Nature brought down on New Orleans. The first thing that I saw was a National Guardsman standing in the middle of the street with an M-16 in his hand. WHAT A WAKE UP CALL.......... Trees were uprooted and buildings blown apart. Signs of water damage were everywhere. It was like a ghost town. There were signs of cleanup, but there were more signs of the damage.
I love New Orleans and I want to see her come back. But I wonder if she will ever come back to the point that she was when I left on that Sunday afternoon. Poverty was everywhere in New Orleans. I don't like poverty but it was the backbone of the city. The wonderful people that were raised in blighted neighborhoods found ways to create magic that can't be found in Atlanta, Dallas, Houston and many of the other areas that have shown economic booms. The empoverished areas provided blue collar workers that kept our city running. The poverty gave birth to Artists, Musicians, Rebels and Leaders. People that had to find creative ways to let thier emotions bleed out to the masses. I love that city and all that made her magic.
Over a million of those people evacuated to other parts of the country and it is estimated by some that over 200,000 might stay in the areas that they evacuated to. Most of those people were the backbone that made the city great. If they don't come back, what will happen ? Will new money rebuild ? Will the city stay dead? If new money rebuilds, how will they recreate the magic that was born of the history and poverty that was New Orleans. You can't buy that with money. You can only bring it back with people.
I am not there right now but I hope to be there soon. I hope the people that left will find ways back when it is right for them. I hope that we can breathe life back into our mother that we call New Orleans.

God Bless

Yup, it was the big one.

Well since my last post alot has happen'd but nothing as big as Hurricane Katrina. She came ashore Sunday morning just east of Lake Pontchatrain. She brought with it 150 mph winds and that awful tidal surge. At first it didn't look as bad as it was but now....indeed....life as we know it in New Orleans will never be the same. New Orleans is 80 % underwater . Mayer C. Ray Nagin says that there are likely thousands dead. The entire city is being completely evacuated and New Orleans is technically under Marshall Law. There are thousands of people sleeping on what used to be i-10. There were about 10,000 people evacuated before the storm to the Superdome, but gang mentality, heat and humidity overpowered them. They have all been moved to the airconditioned Astrodome in Houston. All of the outlying area's suffered damage. I live in New Orleans so I wll stick to New Orleans but the Gulf Coast was decimated.

I left at about 4pm on Sunday and met Kristin, the Kids and her family in Jasper Texas. We stayed there until Tuesday night when we found out that they were't letting people back into the city so we hit the road for Longmont Colorado where Kristin's brother lives. Along the way we saw hospitality from North Louisiana, Texas and Kansas. The hospitality has
been unbelievable.

The Human suffering is almost unbearable. Now that I have my family safe in Colcorado I wll try to make the trek back to what used to be my home. I will check on my property and then assist in any what humanly possible the people that need me.



I'll right again soon

THIS IS THE BIG ONE ELIZEBETH !!!

Well it looks like life as we know it is about to change. Hurricane Katrina snuck up on us. Friday afternoon she was headed to the Florida panhandle but later in the day the Hurricane Center changed the projected path closer to New Orleans. Right now it is 8am Sunday morning and the projection is that New Orleans is finally going to take the direct hit that all of our parents have said will decimate New Orleans.

I got Kristin and the Kids out of town Saturday afternoon. I stayed behind to get the house in order and to make sure that work was going to be closed on Monday. My plan was to wait until the last minute and then get out of town. NOW is the last minute. I will be leaving shortly. I can't wait to get to Kristin and the Kids. My backup plan, in case I can't go that direction is to head to Birmingham and visit with the Parker family. Good friends are hard to find but once you find them.......you need to keep them. I have been complacent in my role as a friend by not keeping in as close touch with them as I should have. I'll change that. I'm going to work on raising my family and being a good friend to my friends. John and Theresa Ladd are my closest friends in New Orleans. My friends are my second family.

Life as we know it is likely to be changing very soon

Hurricane Katrina is expected to bring sustained winds of 145 - 165 mph for a period of about
7 hours. If that is not enough , the storm surge is going to be the straw that breaks the camels back. The storm surge is the water in the ocean that builds up around the storm and will be pushed into Lake Pontchatrain during the storm. They are expecting a 17 foot storm surge.
Our levies are only 12-13 feet tall. This means that the water level, in Lake Pontchatrain , will be high enough to go over the levies . The water will then find it's level. Once inside the levies, the water is trapped. The levies that were built to keep the water out, will now keep the water in. Because we are below sea level, the water cannot seep out through the ground. The water has to be pumped out. This could take several months. Last year when Hurricane Charlie hit florida, the experts projected at least 10 weeks before people could return to their homes in New Orleans, if we would have taken a direct hit from Charlie. Our house is about 2 blocks from the Southwestern shore of Lake Pontchatrain.

They are saying that this storm will be worse than Hurricane Betsy.

Times like these make you reflect. I am looking ahead. It will probably be a while before I can post an update. But I will post when I get the chance. I am the luckiest man alive. My family waits for me. I will likely have to rebuild all that we have at this point ,but I will have my family.
Kristin, Kindal, Ben, Kiley...Richard, Dena, Julie, Brandon, Kristin's family, all of the Smiths and Ellis's.

We are facing a new adventure, we are going to get something that alot of people dream about...... a brand new start. We will have a chance to reflect and see if our lives are where we want it. It will be trying but we will be able to do it. I've always thought that I was put on this earth to make a difference. Earlier this year I thought that difference may be in fighting Cancer.......I think it is.....but I think I might have overlooked the more obvious answer. I'll make a difference in my Children's lives. I don't think I should be sad....maybe I should be happy and say Thank you to God for all that he has given me.


GOD BLESS UNTIL NEXT TIME.
I

I'm back

Here are a few of the things that you can find in the French Quarter.
The Quarter is full of colors. I spent the morning shooting an 80th birthday party and then took some time to look around. I've lived in New Orleans my entire life and I never get tired of the Quarter. All of the expression gives you a sense of freedom that I'm not sure you can find anywhere else................

This guy should use his mirrors !!!

Home Alone

Well, I survived the second big storm. Hurricane Dennis came awful close but decided to check out Orange Beach instead. I can't blame him because Orange Beach sounds good these days.

Kristin and the Kids have been in Colorado since June 29th. They are having so much fun. I feel sorry that the kids have to come back after having so much fun. The rest of this summer is going to be a downer for them compared to what they've been doing on vacation. Kristin hasn't seen her brother in a long time and it was good for her to go and be with him for a while. I'm glad that they got to go on vacation for a few weeks. It would have been nice to go with them but I really couldn't.

Things around here have been lots of fun. 14 days , 2 hurricanes and emptying my Mom's house.
I did get to go see 2 movies, " Batman the Beginning" and "The Cinderella Man". Other than that I've spent most of my time trying to get the house in order. But the problem is that when I start to get it organized I bring another 500 things from my Mom's house. Oh Well. I did get to spend some time with Richard and Dena, even if it was just going through Mom's stuff. I'll be glad when we're done so that we can get on with things. Mom wouldn't have wanted us to take a long time with the house.

The saving grace is that I know Kristin, Kindal, Ben & Kiley are having fun. My family deserves to go see things and do things. As long as I can keep providing so that they can enjoy life, I'll keep doing it.

There's a big wind commin'

Well we survived tropical storm Cindy. Tuesday night we had sustained winds of about 70 mph. It was the strongest sustained wind that I've experienced in a while. The wind was strong enough that it blew my front door open 3 times. The electricity went out about 9pm ( right in the middle of a good pay per view movie ). It didn't come back on until about 9pm last night. There are approximatley 100,000 homes in New Orleans without electricity this morning.

Our problem at hand is Hurricane Dennis. At this point we are in the cone of caution and they think it will make landfall by Sunday Morning. They are saying that it will enter the Gulf of Mexico as a category 3 hurricane ( 111 - 130 mph sustained winds) . When it hits the Gulf the fears are that the winds will get stronger possibly a category 5 hurricane ( 156 mph sustained winds and up )

The good new is that Kristin, Kindal, Ben and Kiley are in Colorado with her parents and brothers. I talked to Dena and she will more than likely by headed north. Richard doesn't know for sure what he will be doing ( more than likely he will be with Dena ) . The evacuation route out of the city was changed last year and if you wait until the evacuation starts, you cannot travel west. Last year during Hurricanes Lilly and Ivan everyone headed west toward Dallas. This year they can't go that direction unless they leave real early. The route takes you North across lake Pontchatrain and into Mississippi.

Because of work I cannot consider leaving until the last minute. I haven't made any decisions yet.

Hopefully Hurricane Dennis will change directions and go somewhere else.

We'll wait and see

Some more from today

I went exploring in the city today and this is what I found. You couldn't have asked for a prettier day.

Happy 4th of July

I know why the caged bird sings

Just a Few pix

ASTRONAUTS

My wife and kids are visiting Venus this week. They left on a flying saucer Wednesday morning and will be gone for another week. My children Kindal Ben and Kiley were so excited because they were going to finally get to wear the new space suits that their Mom bought them. They all promised me that they would bring back some Space Rocks.

Every night I look up at the stars and I see them looking back. I know they are having fun.... I'll bet no other kid will get to go to Venus during the summer break !!!!!! I can only imagine that one of them will be at the controls of the saucer when it makes it's way back home.

Until then , every night I'll keep looking up at the sky......and waiting.

Jump !

Enjoy every minute !
Listen to the song of the birds .
Look at the clouds painting the sky .
Feel the wind as it brushes your skin.
Taste the adventure in every breath.

It only comes once ,this life of ours.

JUMP !

Just a damn leaf !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Blue Skys

Yesterday my Mother was laid to rest.
I'll miss her dearly.
I look up and see the Blue Sky and I think
of her.