Saturday, January 28, 2006

Two weeks before Christmas I left New Orleans and headed home. You heard me, Home. Home is where my Wife and Kids lay their heads at night. Christmas was good and New Year was good. I got the chance to hang some of my work in a local Coffee Shop and was able to have an opening which was unbelievable.
Kindal's birthday was on January 5th and on the following weekend we had a sleepover for her. She is growing so fast. She is 9 and she is already older than I am.
Still having business in New Orleans I left last tuesday for New Orleans. I was going to stop in Fort Scott and then Kansas City to see my Uncle and my Sister but I decided to go to New Orleans first. I stopped in Tyler Texas to see my Uncle Ron and Aunt Twilla.
My Uncle Ron and Aunt Twilla are extrodinary people. They think that they are normal but they aren't. They have managed not let the outside pressures cloud what is important to them. They love each other and their family. I don't know what I would have done without them. On every trip between Colorado and New Orleans they've given my an oasis to stop and visit and recharge. Being able to take a break and visit with them has been priceless. There doesn't seem to be any pressure or Drama when you walk through the doors of their doublewide trailor tucked away in a cozy little neighborhood in Tyler. You walk in and know that you can be at home.
I left Tyler yesterday morning after a great breakfast and headed to New Orleans. I decided to go the backroads instead of interstate and went all the way to Deridder Louisiana where I got on I-10 and came the rest of the way.

It's strange how moods change when you get into Louisiana. The closer I got to my house the more depressed I got. I did everything to lose the depression. As I pulled into my driveway it was lit up by the streetlights that I don't remember being there before. Everything was a yellow color. There are twice as many FEMA trailers as there were before. I feel like I'm on an island because I am the only house that I can see without a Fema trailer. I also don't have running water or gas. I can't get a Fema trailer because Fema pays my families rent in Colorado. If it weren't for the comfortable house in Colorado I would be in a Fema trailer with all of the necessities of life. I'm glad that I don't have it because I find much more comfort in knowing that my wife and kids are safe and have comfort. I will see them soon.
Anyway I got to my house and found that almost every thing is as I left it. The biggest difference is no Water. I was using my neighbors water last trip but it has been turned off as well .....now I have no running water.

I laid in bed last night and stayed depressed. I wish I was with Kristin, Kindal Ben and Kiley....and sophie.....and Richard and Dena.


Monday, January 16, 2006

Oh What a wicked web we weave !!!

Sunday, January 08, 2006

just a rant

I haven't felt much like writing these days. I don't know why.
I feel like I still have an open wound and I can't seem to find comfort in the things that used to comfort me. Maybe it's because I am close to my family and I know that I will have to leave them again...soon. I still have matters in New Orleans that I have to finalize. I have what's left of a home that I have to finalize.

I wish that I could enjoy my time in Colorado but the fact is....I'm not done in New Orleans.
I look forward to growing old with my wife, children and maybe some grandchildren............
after I'm done in New Orleans.

The problem is.....I will never be done in New Orleans. I will never have a feeling of completion. My family was taken abnormally from our everyday lives and transplanted 1400 miles away.
I love where we landed and the people we've met...but it wasn't done on our terms. I suppose that I'm being obsessive but I know what my friends are doing in New Orleans and what they are going through on a daily basis. Maybe I feel guilty for leaving. I know I did the right thing but it doesn't make it easier to realize that I could be rebuilding the city that I miss.

I am angry......I am sad.....I am scared........I am regretful......I am remorseful........I am hopeful........ I am guilty......... I am all of these things but most of all I am displaced.