What's left ?

I'm a changed man !!!! I've said it before but not in the context that I'm saying it now. I can't tell you why I know it's different this time, but you'll have to take my word for it, it is. Alot has happened in my life since evacuating my family to Colorado. Alot of soul searching has taken place. There are two ways my life can go at this point ; I can return to New Orleans with my family and hope everything returns to the way it was before the storm, or I can consider the slate clean and start completely over. You might say that some things don't have to change, but you would be wrong if I decide to rebuild our lives.

We were your average family before the storm. We did the best we could to live paycheck to paycheck. We went to church on Sunday and work on monday. My kids were happy but I'm not so sure that Kristin and I were. We weren't necessarily unhappy but we were in the proverbial rut ; our wheels were spinning; we were part of the rat race. The last 3 years have been tuff on my family. My Father passed away 2 years ago from cancer and my Mother passed away on June 6th from Breast Cancer. My children weren't over their deaths when the storm hit ,on that day in August , and took everything that we knew as normal. I'm not feeling sorry for myself ! Alot of people have it worse and I know it. But I have to see what has happened as a wake up call to action. I thought it might be a sort of midlife crisis but it's not. The course of events have not been made up ,or phsycologically magnified, because of my 41 years. They are what they are. I am changing everything to make our lives better.

Since my last entry my daughter Kiley turned 1, Ben turned 6, Kristin and I had our 10th wedding anniversary. Halloween ( my favorite holiday ) is fast approaching, Thanksgiving and Christmas are right around the corner. My brother and sister have decided to move to Colorado. and I am in New Orleans , away from by family for almost 20 days, and my house is full of mold.

I returned to New Orleans a little less than 20 days ago to take care of my house and to see what has happened to my city. My beautiful city. This is my second trip back but the first time I was hurried an didn't have a chance to look around and see the damage done to the rest of the city. I had seen pictures and heard the stories but nothing could have prepared me for what I've witnessed and walked through myself. I stood on the levee break in Lakeview and saw the devistation. I walked through that neighborhood and looked at houses washed off of their foundations and sitting in the middle of the street . I saw the cars in the treetops. I walked in the dangerous Lafitte housing project which is now deserted. I walked through the cemetarys and saw the crypts open and empty. I stood in Jackson Square , by myself, no artists and no musicians to be seen. For that matter, no people were there. I talked to the policeman in Jefferson Parish and heard what he witnessed, I thanked him for his sacrifice. I talked the New Orleans Policeman and thanked him for all that he had gone through to keep some sense of order during this destruction. I talked with Jimbo , a bar owner in Treme, and his dog "Underfoot" that he rescued during the storm. I talked with Kenny , a man from Kenner, who was involved in the cleanup in New Orleans. I walked around in the Upper 9th ward and saw the devistation. Trees on Saint Charles Avenue, The Art galleries on Magazine street, The mansions in the Garden district, The massive Oaks in City Park, The 1000 or so dead fish at the Aquarium. Everything has been effected in a massive way.

In every neighborhood there are spray painted symbols on each house. The symbols tell the date that it was inspected and by who, how many and what kind of animals were found in the house and how many dead residents were found. There are empty white refrigerators everywhere. People have started spray painting messages on them. If you want to know who the residents blame for the damage read the refrigerators.

I can't tell you in words , or in pictures , what I've witnessed. I will try to show my children and grandchildren ,through pictures ,but the sounds and the smells will be lost. I can't describe the magnitude of the destruction. I can only imagine that if this were in another era it would resemble the great flood. I can't tell them how I feel because I haven't got a grasp on it myself. How do I tell them about sitting alone in our storage room and throwing away all of our Christmas Ornaments. How do I tell them how I decided that I couldn't save one stick of furnature that we got from my Mom's house after she passed away. How do I tell them that I had to use a mask and gloves while I went through their favorite toys and threw them to the curb. How do I tell them that their Daddy couldn't save their favorite books and games. Their favorite books are full of mold. The books that I read to Kindal and Ben when they were babies are not only unreadable but are literally piles of wet paste.For the past 20 days I sat by myself in the house trying to figure out where everthing went so wrong , but their are no answers.

The only thing that I know is that I'm a changed man.